“Mommy, I think God made a mistake. . . I should have been a girl.”

My mother recalls me saying these exact words to her when I was only four years old, and I have been trying to deal with this “mistake” ever since. Of course, I don’t really believe that God makes mistakes, but when you're four years old something that huge seems like one. I was born with a condition called transsexualism. In other words, and in following with scientific research, I was born with a male body and a female brain. In my words, I exist mentally, emotionally and spiritually as a woman, and only physically as a male.

I was born on October 31, 1973, and raised in a military family. We moved numerous times during my childhood and adolescence. My parents raised me diplomatically, and my older brother looked out for me. I never felt forced into any particular role, and I was always taken care of. I consider myself greatly blessed for the fact that I have always been surrounded by the love of people who care about me greatly. Growing up was not idyllic though. I learned at an early age that I was different, and that different wasn't acceptable to the mainstream consciousness. So I turned inward. I kept my feelings to myself, and tried to fit in as best I could. I became asexual for the most part. I had many friends, but mostly girls. I felt that they understood me, and I understood them, though they still saw me as a boy. I went through adolescence and had to deal with the cruelty of kids. Though I was generally well liked by those I went to school with, I had my share of teasing and name calling. This only made me want to hide myself even more. My innate faith in God helped me through these times thankfully. I looked forward to a future where I would be able to finally be myself. I didn't know at that time how long that would take.

I had an epiphany when I was seventeen. A few weeks before my high school graduation, I felt God tell me that I was going to be a singer and I was going to sing for Him. Thus started my interest in music and singing. I was accepted into the University of California at Santa Barbara and that is where I began writing lyrics and music. I had also been coming into my own spiritually, since the last few years of high school, and continued this exploration of my soul with like-minded friends I made in college. I attended campus Christian groups, and bible studies and enjoyed a great sense of community, all the while believing that if any one of them were to know the true me I would be abandoned. Still I carried on. I got better at writing music, and practiced my vocal technique in my free time and without any real formal training. After two years at Santa Barbara I transferred to the City College of New York to finish up school, and to be in an environment I hoped would inspire me musically.

It was in New York City that my real journey began. I came out to my family and friends when I turned 21. At this point I didn’t think that anything could ever be done about my feeling that I was born in the wrong body, and so my only alternative was to identify as a homosexual. Technically, I was a male who was attracted to other males, and therefore I was gay. I lived out of the closet for the next five years. During this time I graduated college and ended up moving back to Virginia, where I went to high school and where my parents were still living. All the while I continued to write music and practice singing. It wasn’t until I turned 26 that I began to express the truth of who I really was. At that time I started going out to clubs a lot and began experimenting with women’s clothing. Everything was gradual. I never rushed myself into doing anything that I wasn’t ready for. Eventually, though, I had reached the point where I was living two lives simultaneously. I was a gay male during work, and a woman outside of it. I knew that I had to make a decision. Finally, at the age of 28 I was realizing that something could be done about my unresolved identity issues. I began to see a therapist, and with her guidance I was able to work out my fears, and concerns about transitioning physically from a male to a female.

I began taking hormones shortly after beginning counseling, and completed my one year Real Life Test (RLT) of living as a woman full time on January 1, 2005. At that point I was officially approved for Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), a.k.a. Genital Reassignment Surgery (GRS), but it took a few years to save enough money to undergo the procedure. On July 26, 2007, I finally became "La Femme Naissant" ("The Newborn Woman" in French). With my father by my side, I flew to Chonburi, Thailand where I underwent a successful SRS performed by the world reknown surgeon Dr. Suporn, who I will be forever in debt. One long journey had finally come to an end, and a new one had just begun.

Music is still my passion and I believe it is my calling. I hope that by being open about my condition I can bless others and help them in ways that I wish I had been helped while I was growing up. Though my journey isn't over and I know that there are many struggles I will still have to overcome, I trust that God is guiding my path.